Bay Watch 4

Bulletin 4: Thursday 21st January 2010

Nick Matthews clearly had no part in the designing of the new building here at Papworth. The width of the corridors means that trolleys can't pass each other in opposite directions (or in the same direction, I suppose, if you're having, or trying to have, a Ben Hur-style trolley race). Why such obvious functional requirements weren't part of the design brief eludes me. Sainsbury's don’t have this problem. Alimentary.

Slept through until 07.45 this morning - the best night's sleep in a while. My breakfast tray arrived at 08.00 and included a china pot of tea. None of your stainless steel rubbish.

Two delightful nurses are looking after me this morning, Liby (sic) and Emma. Emma's a babe. I was thinking of inviting her to assist me for 20 minutes at some stage during my rehabilitation process, but then thought better of it as (a) Celia might not approve, and (b) it might lead to another heart attack. Note my order of priority here.

I was taken to a dark room this morning where young Amy rubbed gel on my front and then started 'probing' me. Can't take much more excitement. Funny pictures appeared on the screen, accompanied by the sound of a strong, rhythmic heart beat. I think I'm pregnant, but they're keeping it quiet.

A large "female" sign has been outside my room since my arrival, and has occasioned the odd comment from visiting family. It seems likely that I'll be moving home this afternoon, but this hasn’t stopped sister from changing the sign to "male", at last.

They've kicked me out. I write this from the Council Houses, so Bay Watch may be nearing its conclusion. But fear not, faithful Bay Watch followers, they're pulling me back in again soon, so there will no doubt be the opportunity of providing further instalments.

Many thanks for your e-mails and good wishes, and for passing on the greetings of some of the children - one of whom expressed the hope that I had had a good holiday. I have smuggled out some 'badges of honour' and teaching resources which I expect to make use of in the classroom in due course. The most precious of these is, of course, a 'bottle'.